i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
