this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
