So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
