wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
