please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
