he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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