dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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