Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
