Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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