Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she told me i tasted like america
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
