Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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