I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
