is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
