I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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