The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
