dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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