I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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