i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
