There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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