WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
