Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
