AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Text me some of your sweat
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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