people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
