Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
