Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Randomize
