you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
