don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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