I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
