my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
