Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
