All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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