You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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