My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
