We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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