If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
