Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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