She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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