That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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