My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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