You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
