Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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