those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
