my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
