Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
