what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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