If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
