I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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