not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
