i barfeds in our rink
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize