So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
