Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
