She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
