I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
