Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize