No awkward lesbian experiences without me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dating After Heartbreak
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head