I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?