My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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