I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.