i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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