Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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