Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
