Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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