Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
