I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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