Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
