Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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