Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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