Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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