butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
