Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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