How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
