I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
