no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
