Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
