he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
