Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
