i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
