I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
