the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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