New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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