Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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