everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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