hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My pussy is not your playground.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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