Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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