I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
