My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
