so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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