"it" just moved
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I will be naked everywhere
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize