I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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