Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
