just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
