We're facebook friends in real life
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
