i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
